Called to reschedule Dr. Arango (for her foot), which was next Thursday, but that’s the day of the hand surgery.  They had an opening today at 1 p.m., and even though she didn’t want to go, I insisted.  Good thing I did, too.  Mom said it was “all healed up”, but even though it looks healed on the outside, there is a big “sinus cavity” underneath where it isn’t healed inside.  Dr. Arango said he needs to open it up, debride and pack it, so it will heal from the inside out.  This needs to be done before the hand surgery, but he can do it at the same time, if Dr. Weber agrees – or Dr. Weber can do it himself, whichever works best.

Mom, of course, had an agenda for the rest of the afternoon.  Stopped to look for some wider shoes, but couldn’t find any.  Wanted to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond to look for things for Lori’s kitchen, but I asked if we could do that tomorrow.  Went to Stine instead for the green paint, but they were out and had to order it.

After I got home, called Dr. Weber’s nurse and left message about this foot development.  Called Dr. Olsen’s office about bloodwork, and was told nurse practitioner still needed to review it, but it didn’t appear she was anemic.  Called Dr. Broussard’s office and left another message about scheduling tests.  Mom called latger to say Deidre had called (Dr. B’s nurse) and changed her check-up appointment from 10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. next Tuesday, when they will also do the TB test, and set the bone density test for 3:00 the same day.  At least all this is in Memorial Hospital.

Then she called around 5 p.m., nearly in tears.  Dr. Olsen’s office called her about bloodwork, and said her potassium was high, she had another bladder infection, and they were calling out a prescription for Macrobid.  She really needs some answers as to why this keeps happening. I told her she had plenty of time to get the infection cleared up before the hand surgery.  (I hope this is true.)

And on the subject of the hand surgery – she is already trying to “push the envelope” as to what she can and can’t do.  She remembers what the surgeon completely different from the way I heard it.  I told her if she wasn’t going to let this hand heal up properly before she used it, she shouldn’t even waste time getting it done.  She says she’s going to be careful, and at one time or another has discussed several different options for help – asking Dana to come or hiring Katherine are the top two – but I anticipate she won’t do either and will just do what she wants.  THEN when it doesn’t heal properly, she will say, “I had this surgery done and it JUST WENT BACK!” (like she says about the bunion surgery).

One more thing – she left me a voice mail this morning, and this afternoon swore she didn’t do it, even after I let her listen to it.  Really worried me.   That’s enough, I’m tired and my neck hurts (again!).  Maybe it really is stress-related.  The plot has thickened, and it will be interesting to see how this whole surgery plan works out.

Mom had an appointment at 1:00 p.m. with Dr. Weber (about her hand).  Broke my rule about Wednesday appointments, because I figured this would be short – it wasn’t!  He felt the tendon repair was worth doing, but that she shouldn’t wait much longer – this type of repair needs to be done fairly soon after the rupture.  He scheduled it for next Thursday, June 10, and it’s an out-patient procedure.  We then had to go to admitting and pre-op departments (thank goodness they got a wheelchair for her).  Fortunately, admitting went fairly quickly, since she has been in the hospital recently.  In pre-op, they wanted bloodwork (told them to call Dr. Olsen) and an EKG, and then wanted to do a chest x-ray until they realized she had one last time she went to ER.

Finally got home from this fun excursion after 4 p.m.  Saw a GREEN chair in the garage – apparently mom has dad spray-painting the kitchen chairs.  Now she needs more paint.   This insanity will never stop as long as she watches HGTV 24/7.

She also had some IBS trouble again.  Says she ate two pieces of candy with nuts, and “forgot” to drink her potion last night (that she makes with Sprite and the prescription powder).  When you have this much trouble, how can you just forget these things?

This morning I had a haircut, then was scheduled to bring dad to Dr. Smith to get his stitches out in the afternoon.  I planned to do grocery shopping for both of us this evening.  Dad called me at some point and said he got Mr. Nevils to bring him to Dr. Smith, so I could bring mom shopping.  Oh gee, thanks!  Picked mom up and she immediately started talking about flowers, so I stupidly brought her to Greengate first for some more flowers.  Then to the grocery store, where it’s always a workout, helping her get her list and tracking her down all over the store, while she zips around in the motorized cart.

Friday, May 28

Appointment with Dr. Olsen (arthritis doctor) this morning in Beaumont.  This ended up taking three hours, because they wanted her to have bloodwork, in preparation for starting a new arthritis medication.  One of the side effects of this medicine is that you are more susceptible to infections, and this worries me because it happened with another medicine she took.  Seems if there is a chance of a side effect, it always happens to mom.

Also found out something interesting about Levoquin, one of the few antibiotics she can take.  When mom showed her the right ring finger, which she can no longer lift up, Dr. Olsen agreed with Dr. Broussard that it looked like a ruptured tendon, and asked if she had taken Levoquin lately, that this was a common side effect.  Sure enough, when I looked it up later (on that internet), tendon rupture was listed as the first possible side effect.  (But mom also admitted she could have done it helping dad pull up his compression socks.)  Seems there’s NOTHING she can take that doesn’t cause one problem while it’s fixing another.  She also needs a bone density exam and TB test before she can start this new medication.  Two more appointments!

Determined to make this a semi-fun day, I looked up the address for Jason’s Deli last night, so we had lunch there.  Then, of course, a stop at Joann – this time for dress fabric.  Tough decision-making on fabric, finding thread, long line at the cutting table – finally got out of there, grabbed some coffee for energy, and got home about 3 p.m.  Totally exhausted.

Saturday, May 29

Determined to carve out at least part of this day for myself.  Took Lori to the flea market to look for a desk for her apartment, then looked at towels and a few other things.  Spent most of the day trying to catch up on housework and yardwork.  Did mom’s hair, but just didn’t offer to bring her anywhere, and I feel a little bit guilty about that.

Still trying to visit James’ mom about every other day, sometimes every day if I have time.  It’s so close, and only takes me about 30 minutes to stop by and visit a little.  Hope it makes a difference for her.

Dad had an appointment to have his toenails trimmed, by the “beautician” at Kingsley.  She’s actually more than a beautician – she does manicures, pedicures, massages, etc.  Dad’s appointment was at 3:30, and he got a full soak in warm Epsom salt solution, toenail trim, and massage and lotion for his calves (which were stiff and dry from the compression hose).  The top layer of that big thick toenail on his left big toe just peeled off after the soaking, which was good.  The whole process took an hour, and only cost $30.

Meanwhile, I got mom comfortable on a couch in one of the common areas, and went to Aunt Berniece’s room (way in the back) and got her to come on her scooter to visit with mom.  I ran back to check on Ms. Mary for a few minutes, and brought her a crochet book to look at since she said she’d like to start crocheting again.  She was pleased with the perm she got this morning, and it looked really good.  Then back to sit with mom and Aunt Berniece.

I left for a minute to check on dad’s progress, and when I came back, heard mom saying, “….Tammy said don’t worry Aunt Elouise, we’ll take care of you.”  I was horrified to think mom had actually told Aunt Berniece what Tammy said, about her not having to go to “one of those places.”  I mean, Aunt Berniece doesn’t have any choice, she is totally dependent on her scooter, and has to have help to even go to the bathroom!  But she is very positive and has a good attitude, and all the workers at Kingsley say she is so sweet.

Every time I think about Tammy saying this, I get a little mad.  I’m sure she meant well, and her motives were good, but she just doesn’t have a clue what is really involved with taking care of them.  If she was really concerned with their care, then WHERE IS SHE when they are in the hospital, or need an errand I’m not available to do?  She has her children AND three grandchildren to spend time with, and when the rubber actually meets the road, I do not feel she’s going to be available to do much.  But mom has hung on to what Tammy said like a LIFELINE.

And as for mom paying for help – well, we all know how far that has gone.  Along the lines of saving money, I forgot this recent episode:  When I went to pick up mom Friday afternoon, two fans were blowing on the kitchen floor.  When I asked about this, mom said she read somewhere that vinegar and salt will clean tile grout, and she had tried it but it didn’t work, so she was trying to dry it up.  She thinks it needs to be cleaned again, and was trying to save the $200 it cost her last year.  (It’s dark grout, for pete’s sake!)

I told her the Chem-Dry man does this now, in addition to carpet cleaning, but it’s very labor-intensive and he charges by the square foot.  My kitchen/dining etc. room would be about $600 to clean and re-seal.  Of course, I have about twice as much tile as mom, too.  Anyway, when I told mom this, she didn’t think $200 was very bad.  How did she do this anyway?  Sat on the walker and bent over, I guess (the same way she was pulling weeds last week).

If she doesn’t start thinking (and acting) more sensibly, I’m going to threaten to declare her unfit to make any decisions.  And about the visit to Kingsley – neither one of them said a word about how nice it was.  But I’m hoping I “planted some seeds.”

Mom had said earlier that tomorrow, the handyman is coming to redo the tile grout on the countertop, because some of it is chipping out.  He’s going to use the dremel tool, and vacuum as he does it.  Mom asked if the dremel made a lot of dust, and I told her it did, but it was faster than chipping by hand (which makes some dust, too).

When dad and I got home, mom had a steak knife out, blade pointed upward, trying to chip out the tile grout.  When questioned, she said she wanted to chip it out so he didn’t make so much dust grinding it out.  I told her she was going to chip the tile and her response was, “I’m being careful.”  (This is her response to everything!)  When I told Lori about this, she just stared at me, speechless.  There really are no words for this stupidity.  I really should have said, “Mom, they have medication for this kind of obssession!”  Can’t make this stuff up…..

I can see a pattern here.  Mom’s feeling better now – pumped full of antibiotics and iron – so she’s going full-steam ahead, instead of pacing herself.  If this follows the past pattern, she’ll get run down and get an infection or anemic or an IBS attack (or all three), and end up in the hospital again.  How do we make her realize this?

Sunday, May 23:  Mom went to church this morning, but when James went to pick her up, she wasn’t ready.  This seems to be happening a lot.  So James was a little late to church.   Went over this evening to put out the garbage, and dad asked me to pull in the hose for him, out of the front yard.  Once again, I really wasn’t dressed for the outside (I was on my way to church), but I managed to do it without getting too dirty.

The spot Dr. Smith removed on dad’s’ head looks bad and is oozing a little, so I suggested they call Monday to have it looked at.  He’s doctoring it, but said he was told not to bandage it.

Mom had papers spread all over the place, looking for some article on hydrangeas.  Apparently, dad wants to fertilize them, and mom is SURE she read somewhere that you aren’t supposed to.  There were receipts, bank statements recipes, articles, etc. all over the cabinet.  I had to just WALK AWAY.  I cannot enable this madness.

We both kept giving mom a hard time about all the time she was on her feet over the weekend, when she instructed more than once by the doctor to stay off it.  We mentioned two items – baking a cake, and insisting on going to Lori’s graduation – and she picked up on those two and kept insisting that she HAD to do those things.  But it wasn’t just those two things, and she knew it.  It’s just impossible to talk to her any more.  When we got home, mom got a call from Dr. Broussard’s office, saying she was still anemic and they wanted her to get an IV iron infusion the next day.  Back to the hospital – at least we wouldn’t have to go to ER again!

Tuesday: Brought mom to the hospital about 9 a.m., and once we went through admissions (a pretty short process, since she’s been there so much lately) and got her settled, I ran a few errands.  Picked her up at 11, and it seems like we went somewhere else, but I can’t remember where.

It’s getting harder to have a conversation with mom.  I have to repeat half of what I say, because she doesn’t hear it.  Or she doesn’t hear it correctly, and starts talking about something totally unrelated to what I said.  OR she’ll pick up on one detail of what I’m trying to tell her, and go off talking about that, instead of focusing on what I’m trying to tell her.  Every time I mention something about Ms. Mary at Kingsley Place, and how nice it is there, she changes the subject.   Her latest concern:  Dad “needs” stepping stones to get to the hose in the back.  She thinks it would be “easier” to pour a cement walkway, but once I explained everything involved in that, she agreed stepping stones would be easier.  I did NOT volunteer James to do it, though.

Since dad has been wearing the compression socks, he has managed to keep the swelling down.  The problem is that he can’t get them on by himself.  Tamara ordered  some lighter compression socks, and mom got them on dad.  When I asked how she did it, she said, “with a lot of yelling.”  I can imagine.

Thursday: Mom had an appointment with Dr. Arango at 9:45 to check the foot wound.  When the nurse came in to look at it, mom immediately started telling her all the things she just HAD to do, and how she couldn’t stay off her feet.   She just HAD to go to Lori’s graduation, etc.  The nurse apparently filled in the doctor, and when he came in he cut right to the chase.  Said something like, “I know you aren’t going to stay off your foot, so let’s just focus on keeping it clean and sterilized.”  She tried arguing again about how she just had to do some things, and he told her one way or another she’d stay off her foot – either willingly, or she’d lose the foot.  He kept saying things like this, then he’d look at me and smile, like he had her all figured out.  Then he pulled out these big nippers and trimmed off the dead skin around the wound (without deadening it), put a huge bandage around it, and was done.

This didn’t slow her down too much, because then she wanted to go look for blanket fabric at Hancock.  Decisions, decisions, then she sent me to find a dress pattern like one she had seen in a catalog.  By the time we got home, I realized we had exactly 30 minutes til we had to leave for her 1 p.m. haircut.  Dropped her off, walked the dog and ate a quick lunch, then picked her up again.

While she was getting a haircut, I brought the van to the carwash.  Then she wanted to go to Greengate for “a couple of oleanders.”  Of course, the oleanders were WAY in the back, so I dragged this metal cart back here, over rough rock paths, and loaded up two big white oleanders.  Trudged back with the cart and mom said, “They don’t have any peach?  And I need four!”  Dragged the cart back, saw no peach bushes.  I broke a flower off each of the four colors, left the cart, and brought the flowers to mom, so she could decide.  She decided on the dark red, so it was BACK to the “north 40”, where I unloaded the two white bushes, loaded up four red ones, and pulled the cart (which was pretty heavy now) back up the front.  It was near 90, and I was still dressed for the doctor’s office, NOT the garden center!

Got back to the front, and mom had found two hibiscus like the ones that she made dad throw away (that froze last winter), and she wanted me to find another one.  $160 later, we finally left, loaded down with plants.  And I kept thinking, “Tamara is gonna shoot me for letting her buy more plants!”  But how can you talk her out of this stuff?  Finally got home about 3:30 from all this fun, exhausted and hot.  I had to lay on the couch to cool off and recover, then go visit James’ mom.  I’m trying to go about every other day, and it really doesn’t take very long – it’s just one more thing to do.

Friday: Worked this morning, then planned to do groceries in the afternoon.  On my way home from work, mom called to say she could go with me to get groceries, if it was no trouble.  Oh no, it’s no trouble, it’ll just take twice as long…..The grocery store with her it always a marathon.  I look over her list and mine, and pick up some of her things while I get mine.  Then once I’m finished, I go back and see what she’s missing and help her finish up.

As I was loading the car, mom saw some lady she knew from her school days, and they started talking and reminiscing and trying to remember people’s names.  Oh you know so-and-so, he used to live on that corner, his mama was ______ and he was married to – what was her name? THEN they started talking about some older couple who broke up – this lady knew the woman’s side, and mom knew the man’s side.  All the sordid details all over again, which I had already heard several times.  I finally got home from all this fun about 3 p.m.  Don’t anyone EVER say I don’t work full time.  My hours and the things I do may be different from most people, but in many ways, it’s still WORK.

Saturday: Went shopping with Lori, while mom had Jimmy bring her to Stine to get soil (for all the new plants Larry is supposed to plant next week), and MORE plants.  This time it was lantana.  She said she wants a tomato hanging basket for the porch, too.  The thing that bothers me is this:  they can’t take care of any of this properly, and they keep adding more.

I can see a pattern here.  Mom’s feeling better now – pumped full of antibiotics and iron – so she’s going full-steam ahead, instead of pacing herself.  If this follows the past pattern, she’ll get run down and get an infection or anemic or an IBS attack (or all three), and end up in the hospital again.  How do we make her realize this?

While we were still back in ER, the catheter bag strapped to mom’s ankle needed to be emptied.  She kept insisting she could do it, but I told her to wait while I got a nurse to help her.  She said she needed to go to the bathroom, so I helped her over there while I hunted a nurse.  When I returned, she yelled thru the door that she needed help.  I found her sitting on her walker, ankle propped up on the toilet, emptying the catheter bag.  I told her she should NOT do that, and her answer was, “Well, this is what I always do at home.”  The nurse was right behind me, and she told mom not to do that, she was supposed to measure the fluid.  Mom kept insisting that “this is what I always do….,” like that made it okay.  I finally leaned real close to her and said quietly, “Mom, you’re in the hospital, you’re gonna have to do things THEIR way.”  Sometimes, there are just no words for the frustration of dealing with stubborn old people.

This was Tuesday evening, and on Friday the IBS still wasn’t under control, but Dr. Broussard released her to go home that afternoon.  Dad and I both did not think she was ready, but mom insisted that we “needed to let her go home.”  I told her she was being selfish and making more trouble for all of us, then I had to just leave the room for a while and cool off.  This is all I can remember of this week, it is already just a blur in my memory.

To make it short, mom has slowly gotten a little better, we got James’ mom settled in Kingsley Place, Lori graduated from college and we survived the reception/lunch at our house.

Then after a visit to Dr. Arango for the open wound on her left foot which “reappeared” after several months, it was determined she had MRSA and would need a strong antibiotic.  The IBS, which never completely cleared up, got worse.  The medicine for this condition affected other functions, finally making it necessary for home health to insert a Foley catheter last week.

Over the weekend, mom fell once but was able to get back up.  She has been sleeping a lot, been unsteady on her feet, blood pressure has been low, and she just generally “feels bad.”  I’m waiting on a call back from Dr. Broussard’s office now.  She has an appointment Friday afternoon, but I really feel she needs to see him sooner.

All this has been complicated by the fact that my mother-in-law was hospitalized a week ago last Thursday.  Complicated by James’ brother having hip surgery and James having foot surgery.  Complicated by his sister living in Texas and his sister-in-law working full time.  Which means that James and I are the only ones available to make regular visits during the limited visitation times, as well as take care of the details of finding his mom a new living situation.  And all this – ALL THIS – is on top of trying to prepare for a graduation lunch for Lori in less than two weeks.

Lori says, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”  Hmmmm, we’ll see.

Dad needs his toenails trimmed again, as well as his fingernails, and mom was going to call the woman who did them last time (who comes to your home). When I asked if she had scheduled this, she said dad wanted her to do them, because it cost $40 last time and he thought that was too much. I told her I could barely cut his toenails myself, they’re like iron, and there was NO WAY she could do it, so she agreed to call. I may have to scheduled this myself.

Thermostat wars: Dad has been freezing all winter long and keeping the house like an oven. Now that it’s warming up a little, he says he needs it on 72 so he can breathe, and it’s always freezing. One more thing for them to argue about. Compression hose update: I went to Med Tech yesterday and picked up a pair of the lighter-weight knee-high compression hose. I don’t know if dad has tried them yet. I do know the home health nurse came yesterday, and said the insurance company/ Medicare would no longer pay for them to wrap his legs, so he’ll need to do something to keep the swelling from coming back.

Today, while mom got her hair cut, I went to Hancock and got her more baby blanket fabric. Then to Sam’s to get her glasses adjusted AGAIN. They have never been the quite right since their run-over with the scooter, and she may end up needing new ones. THEN I brought her to the grocery store, and realized I had forgotten my own list, but managed to remember most of it.

When I picked mom up earlier, dad said he needed James’ help this evening. He has been trying to change the switches and outlets himself, and ran into a problem. (I was afraid he’d try to do this.) He got one light switch changed, then went to do an outlet, and it apparently wasn’t on the breaker he thought was off, and he got a shock (literally). I told him NOT to do this while we were gone, that if he fried his pacemaker, there would be no one to help him. As soon as we got outdoors, I told mom not to let him do this stuff, and she said she just couldn’t stop him. But we all know she probably complained about wanting it done so much, that he decided to try it. With his bad eyesight and hands that don’t move very well, it’s a wonder he didn’t burn the house down. But this gets worse…..

When James went over this evening to help, he found an outlet partially done and could see where it shorted when dad got shocked. Then there was another outlet (on another breaker) with everything removed, and the “hot” wires just hanging out of the wall (because dad turned that breaker back on). If one of them had brushed against it, it would have been quite a shock for them. The new outlets are apparently bigger than the old ones, and the tile was too close to one of the holes, so James had to cut it away with the Dremel tool. These projects just go on and on, one thing leading to another. All James had time to do was those two outlets. What’s so frustrating is that they are TOO TIGHT to hire someone to do this, they are going to wait for James or Eric to do it. OR dad will try his hand at it again, and either fry himself or burn the house down.

Mom keeps talking about all the things she wants to plant – flowers, shrubs – and she wants to be sure to have them available next time Kerry comes. He seemed to enjoy helping her plant some flowers in pots last time, and now she’s convinced he will LOVE to do this every time. Maybe he will, but I told her she needed to ask first, before she planned on it. This sounds really bad, but you know she’s excited about getting this done for free.

The time is coming – and it’s almost here – when I’m going to have to tell them what their selfishness is costing all of us. Hanging on to their independence is robbing us of ours. Tamara spends almost all her vacation time coming down here, mostly to give me a break. I plan most of my schedule around their appointments and errands. Elderly people hang on to “independence” like it’s some sort of badge of honor. Mom seems to have a need to prove she can still “do it all”, instead of gracefully accepting that she has moved beyond that season of life. This frustration is difficult to put into words. But I know this for sure – we cannot keep going on like this.